Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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