Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
