he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
