even my farts smell like vagina
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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