If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
