She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
