I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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