I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
