How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
