This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
