if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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