I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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