tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
