Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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