He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
