Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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