Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
