You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
