I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
