gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize