come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
