We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
