I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
