My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
