wanna go halves on a baby?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Your penis caused this!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
