dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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