It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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