You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
