Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
