Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
