well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize