Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
