do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
