I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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