i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
