you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
