So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize