I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
