i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
