just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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