You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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