Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We are all done wearing pants today
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
