I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
