my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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