Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm at about main and main street
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
