so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
