the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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