soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize