6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
