His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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