I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
