we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
