Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
