I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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