well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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