Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
