someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
