whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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