The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
