whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
