it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it's like iHOP with fire
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize