On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
