There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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