So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
