Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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