i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
