It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
