i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
