Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
