The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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