Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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