I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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