I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
