evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
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