I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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