tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
