Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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