Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
