Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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