do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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