well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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