God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
