Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
