I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
