new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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